i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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