We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
