When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
