she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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