i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
