Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
