I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
