Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
