Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The ass gains better be worth it
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