i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
