Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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