You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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