is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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