I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
organizing the empties. That sober.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
