imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
