this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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