Soap is not a condiment
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
