you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
