meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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