We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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