Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
