matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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