Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
where am i from again
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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