the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
