I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
