Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
