yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
