Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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