How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
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Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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