would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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