Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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