shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
