Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
