How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm at about main and main street
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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