Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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