perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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