Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
