do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
