That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I forgot how hot balto sounded
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
