if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
