she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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