I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
