Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
