Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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