Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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