i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
