I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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