WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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