How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
