If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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