I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
