i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
