I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
