Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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