Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
