remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
