dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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